We’re pinned down in the laundromat
And almost out of ammunition
The news can’t leak
Of our critical condition
We’re holstering our weapons
Crying in our beer
We’re rationing our whimsey
Upholstering our fear
The physician
Generally went about his business bitterly
But Thursday he was smiling
When he diagnosed my dystrophy
“You’re gonna wish you were never born,” he said
“You’re gonna curse your family history”
[i’m gonna curse my family history]
We’re pinned down in the laundromat
And almost out of ammunition
The news can’t leak
Of our critical condition
We’re holstering our weapons
Crying in our beer
We’re rationing our whimsey
Upholstering our fear
Flaky and Relish in Panama
Met with their life coach Chadwick Looper
Who informed them that for dinner
He is serving Chilean grouper
He said “seafood’s not sustainable
So let’s enjoy it till we puke
It’s the only way to prove
That our existence is not a fluke”
[our existence is not a fluke]
We’re pinned down in the laundromat
And almost out of ammunition
The news can’t leak
Of our critical condition
We’re holstering our weapons
Crying in our beer
We’re rationing our whimsey
Upholstering our fear
Glenn was promoted to manager
After his resume was wrongly edited
By his distraught former fiancé
Whom he never fully credited
For their joint development
Of a cure for the deep state blues
That was based on an idea they had
On their doomed engagement cruise
[it was a doomed engagement cruise]
We’re pinned down in the laundromat
And almost out of ammunition
The news can’t leak
Of our critical condition
We’re holstering our weapons
Crying in our beer
We’re rationing our whimsey
Upholstering our fear
We’re rationing our whimsey
Upholstering our fear
Holstering our weapons
Crying in our beer
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